Tears

Having kids can be such a joy and pain. Yes I said it pain...but not the kind you think. Its never easy to see your kids go threw any types of pain especially the kind that they have to go through on their own. Like if your child has a bully at school. Its only so much you can do without catching a case because you caused harm to someone's else child. Or pain from their first heartbreak.

It hurts my soul to see my kids in pain. I would gladly trade places with them if I could.

But what if your child is sick like mine.  No one knows why or even how to fix the health problems that she has. She was born with congenital heart failure,  stomach issues and even two holes in her frontal lobes in her brain. 3 heart surgeries, numerous surgical procedures, stomach surgery and 3 days ago she had a tracheostomy done. The doctors say she has no more options. She doesnt qualify for a heart transplant or even ecmo. I feel like im constantly falling and I can't get up and its not even about me. My every other thought is about me losing her...but I can already see her getting ready to go to her prom. I always thought it was weird that whenever I daydreamed about her going to the prom that I didn't picture her as a young lady but as my little girl.

Im worried about how all of this affecting my son. Him and her is two peas in a pod, always there for each other. How do I tell him that his best friend is sick? How do I be strong for him when im ready to crumble? What if he don't understand? 

A whole bunch of what ifs...I just want the tears to stop falling.