RELATIONSHIPS

There is so many different kind of relationships in the world, but they all hurt the same when the connection is lost. Some times its hard to see someone your close to go threw heartache because you want to help them but don't quite know what words to say. Then sometimes you see your pain you been threw in theirs.

My first heartache i felt like my world was coming to an end. At first i didn't want to believe that anything was going on, but threw his own lips the truth was confirmed. Then your mind have so many questions: Am i not good enough? What did I do wrong? How could he do something like this to us? How can you just give up on a person that you once said that you loved almost ever day? What changed your feelings for me? And the list goes on.

Its never easy being rejected by someone that you love so much. Even for me it is hard for me to forget about the way it happened, but i forgave him in order for us to build a better relationship. Which is hard because there is times i look at him and i just want to smash his face, but, i just think of a happier moment that we shared. At the end of the day the only thought i still have is: is he settling with me because he knows that I will always be there?!?

Hmmm

What would you do if you gotten caught cheating?!? Would you deny the whole thing, would you beg for forgiveness, or would you just leave the person your with for new person in your life?!? I think that if i am cheating that i would i ask forgiveness, but then the question comes why am i apologzing?!? Am I apoligzing because I am still cheating or because I have gotten caught?!?

In my past life whenever i was in a relationship I cheated because the person that I was with was cheating on me, and, in my mind that meant that you no longer care for or about me. So if you do not care for me then why should i care for you anymore.

With my first relationship I didnt expect for it to last forever, i think i was just in rush to do the monkies business. Which was weird by the way....was so inexperienced...haha. But long story short i went to his house one day and he says the worst thing a person can say to you when your in a relationship, "lets be friends".....arrrrggggghhhhhhh. When did you realize that before or after you took my cherry?!? The nerves of some people. Thinking back on it, I should had kicked his ding dong. But no regrets. That's life you, you live and you supposedly learn.

One Way Or Another

Entry number ONE;

As a mother of two beautiful kids I have a hard time understanding why it is that they want to be around me sooo much. I often wonder...'hmmm. was i overly emotional while i was pregnant, or was i needy for attention'...but i am leaning more on the second thought because my kids follow me into the bathroom. {Can't even poop in peace}.

Any who, this blog will not be about me complaining about my lack of personal space because i choose to spread my legs without a condom...not once but twice, as of this moment I am unsure of what this blog will be about.

As of the moment, it is 12:57am and I am sleepy but i much rather enjoy the peace and quiet. And lately I have not been able to sleep. Its like my mind wakes me up with all these thoughts and childhood memories. Maybe I have unresolved issues, but who doesn't?!? But mind do haunt me alot more lately than it has been. I wonder if it has something to do with my great aunt passing away on Wednesday morning?!?

Question after question, thought after thought. I'm thinking that i am going to stop here and find a netflick movie to "flick the bean too" or at least think about it...I hate being in the red...what a finger blocker...